The Damaging Effects of Stigma

Living with autism, I have been in many situations where my behaviour was considered wrong by society. I was told to stop and if I didn’t, that there would be consequences - but for what? Simply for being myself and for simply connecting with the world in my own unique way, just because it made others uncomfortable.

We as a society claim to be open minded and eager to help reduce stigma surrounding disabilities and mental health issues - but what you don’t realize is that by putting sanctions on autistic people’s behaviours for simply expressing themselves is the definition of discrimination. Just because you see a behaviour that you don’t like or just because it makes people uncomfortable, doesn’t mean you have the right to force therapies and try to assimilate autistic people to fit your standards. Just because you see us as behaving weirdly on the outside, doesn’t mean you understand it from our points of view.

Why is it considered normal to force autistic people to comply with society’s norms? This type of conditioning starts very early on in the autistic person’s life. Phrases like “Don’t stand too close when you’re talking to someone,” “don’t interrupt” and “I don’t appreciate you playing with my stuff without asking” are exactly what I’m talking about. The autistic child is rewarded for being obedient and punished for their self-expression. With time, they grow up believing that they are wrong for simply existing and that nobody will accept them as they are because that’s what this society has made us feel ever since we were little.

It’s not just one person or a few people - it’s the entire system that plays a part in this systematic process of penalizing us and making us feel flawed which gets us even more shunned as a result.

When I was at school, I would follow other kids around, and often got told that my behaviour was wrong and inappropriate as a result. Why? Probably because people don’t have the tolerance and patience to see the person past their behaviour. Many times, I have been told that I need to stop or that my behaviour was wrong. Aren’t we supposed to be an inclusive society? Aren’t we claiming to be more considerate of autistic voices and neurodivergent people in general? If so, why does society still think it’s their job to punish autistic people for expressing themselves authentically? 

It’s not a crime to want connection and friendship and to express that need in a way that feels natural to us. We aren’t hurting anyone by following others around - the opposite actually, it means we look up to you and want to learn from you. It can be our way of expressing affection. It means we value your company and want to know more about your world. It means we want to understand your interests and create a friendship and connection with you. Now that I explain this, does this seem like we have bad intentions? No - because we process the world around us differently. Just because you see a behaviour that isn’t accepted in the “normal” world - doesn’t mean it’s bad. It’s just a different way of expressing ourselves, a different way of expressing kindness and a desire for friendship with you - and that should never be seen as a bad thing because it’s not. We as a society often fail to understand those who are different, and those like me, who think and behave differently and deviate from the norm. I wish for a world where that can change. Where we wouldn’t punish others for being different - without understanding the reasons behind their behaviours. Oftentimes, we as autistic people, have pure intentions. We don’t need your lectures on why we need to respect your boundaries because what we do around you makes you uncomfortable. We don’t need to learn to mask and behave neurotypical. We need unconditional love, tolerance and acceptance towards our behaviours and thoughts, our emotions and our reactions. No, we aren’t overreacting, we are simply reacting just like anyone else would if they were in our minds - seeing things from our perspectives.

It’s not people like me who need to change and learn neurotypical ways of behaving and existing. Instead, it’s society and people who are claiming to be allies blatantly betraying us by making us falsely believe that the neurotypical perspective is the only one that deserves to be understood.

If you want to connect, have any questions or comments, or simply want to share your experiences with me, you are more than welcome to email me at bekki.pitayash.2003@gmail.com. Looking forward to connecting with you all!

Bekki Semenova

Vaughan, Canada